Episode 9: Royal Society for the Prevention of Linguistic Malnutrition (RSPLM)

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Episode 9: Royal Society for the Prevention of Linguistic Malnutrition (RSPLM)


Dear Mr. Pankaj Khanna,

Thank you very much for providing your valuable inputs regarding the rapidly escalating resentment.

Thanks to your alacrity, we have successfully saved our great Lexicocracy — or, as I have decided to call it, Fussy Lexicocracy.


You may congratulate yourself later.

As far as Saar is concerned, he has deliberately chosen to stay away from the protest, apparently in the hope of being appointed Patron of Lexicomedy.

I have advised him to refrain from politics if he wishes to become our Patron.

He is currently in a state of considerable dilemma, trying to figure out my proposed mathematical lemma.

What an abalemma for him!

I am afraid that the situation requires continued vigilance. We must remain watchful not only of the humans, but also of the cockroaches.

The latter, in particular, appear to be acquiring dangerous levels of organisational capability.

Consequent upon the nationwide agitation by the Lexically Weaker Section (LWS) against the Lexicomedical language employed by us, the Ministry of Grandiloquance has issued a directive of unprecedented seriousness:

Henceforth, and without exception, every letter exchanged between us shall be accompanied by footnotes.

The Ministry has further advised that, in view of the anticipated volume of lexical casualties, we may wish to appoint a dedicated Footnote Officer to undertake this onerous, footnote-intensive responsibility.

Further, I am delighted to inform you that, in recognition of the exemplary bravery displayed by me in rescuing several dictionaries from the agitating Cattle Class, the Ministry has promoted me to the exalted post of Secretary, Ministry of Grandiloquance.


You may congratulate me.

In fact, you must congratulate me.

Please do so in suitably grandiloquent English.

Anything less would be administratively disappointing.

The Ministry has also resolved to establish, with immediate effect and excessive enthusiasm, the:

Royal Society for the Prevention of Linguistic Malnutrition (RSPLM)

The Society shall provide fortified footnotes, lexical vitamins, grammatical proteins, syntactical carbohydrates, and etymological minerals to every letter, with special attention to its footnotes — lest an unsuspecting reader collapse from acute Linguistic Malnutrition before reaching the second paragraph.


As the newly appointed Chairperson of the Society, I am delighted to appoint you, Mr. Khanna, as an Honorary Member of the RSPLM.

Congratulations!

You are hereby authorised — and, for reasons not entirely clear, actively encouraged — to appoint a Footnote Officer with immediate effect.

Please ensure that the officer is adequately qualified to distinguish between:

- a footnote,
- a parenthesis,
- a semicolon, and
- an unnecessarily long sentence.

The Ministry considers this distinction vital to the survival of Lexicomedy.

Indeed, I have been informed that one improperly placed semicolon has already caused considerable unrest in the Cattle Class.

We cannot afford another such incident.

Please act accordingly.

And please remember: a Lexicomedy without footnotes is like a cockroach without a committee — theoretically possible, but administratively unacceptable.

With lexicographical affection and ceremonious fussiness,


Fussy Zaroor

BTech (IIT-M), PGDM (IIM-A).
Secretary, Ministry of Grandiloquance.
Chairperson, RSPLM.
A devoted Fan and Mentee of Shashi Tharoor Saar.
Aspiring to be an Editor and a World-Class Author.

Former Rescuer of Dictionaries from Cattle Class

++++++++++++++++++++++

Foot Notes and Foot Prints of Pak Jan.



This anagram has forced me to reveal my age. They say I am witty. I say, I am eighty!

I’m absolutely loving the way the conversation between Pankaj and Fussy is unfolding. After all, both are confirmed Epeolaters—devotees of the ancient and highly suspicious religion of Epeolatry, the worship of words.

And there’s an interesting generational coincidence here: both can claim the title of “Early Poet of Epeolatry”—each an early poet of the word-worshipping tradition of his/her own generation.


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Click  for the next Episode 10

Click here for The Lexicomedy Line-Up: (The list of all Episodes published till date for your binge reading.)

(My  Blogs on diverse subjects: Eclectic Blogs.)

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