Episode 10: Khanna Hazare
Dear Ms Fussy Zaroor,
Heartiest congratulations on your appointment as the Secretary , Ministry of Grandiloquance and Chairperson of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Linguistic Malnutrition (RSPLM).
I must confess that your meteoric rise through the Ministry of Grandiloquance has filled me with both admiration and inspiration.
It redounds considerably to your credit, Fussy, that you have magnanimously consented to occupy the aforesaid two posts. Indeed, the posts themselves may now consider singularly fortunate to be held by you.
Being an IITian of formidable intellectual pedigree, you could, with consummate ease, have launched an entirely new political party. Had you done so, I too might have acquired the exalted status of a national celebrity: Khanna Hazare.
After all, according to the impeccable linguistic logic of the Ministry, foot and leg are close enough to be synonyms.
For the avoidance of doubt, her name has absolutely nothing to do with the shape, length, or aesthetic qualities of her legs. It derives exclusively from the nature of her official duties: preparing “Lexi Notes” for the Lexically Challenged, thereby converting dangerously sophisticated prose into something the LWS may consume without requiring immediate medical attention.
Needless to say, all our letters shall henceforth be routed through Legsy Suroor, who will examine, annotate, footnote, legnote, cross-reference, de-grandiloquate and, where necessary, rescue the reader from Lexicomedic vocabulary.
I trust she will discharge her duties legendarily—or should I say, leg-end-arily?
Yours in newly regulated Lexicomedy,
Pankaj Khanna
Urban gardener, rustic cook. Music enthusiast. Curious blogger since 2009. Cyclist for over five decades. Word lover: Epeolater. Anagram addict. Punster with pen in hand, pun in mind, and a pan in the heart/hearth. Steam-engine devotee: a ferroequinophile. Avid avian watcher. Magic-square aficionado. Retired mathematics teacher and an apprentice Lexicomedian.
Also an Honorary Member of the RSPLM.
Legsy Notes
Hello, everyone!
I am Legsy Suroor, an Officer specially appointed by the Ministry of Grandiloquance.
Should “Legsy Notes” be a part of Lexicomedy?
My answer is simply yesssssss—the longest yes.
After all, it is an anagram of “Legsy Notes”!
Just a small tribute to the Lexicomedian–Anagrammatist–Punster Pankaj Uncle and dear Pak Jan Aunty.
Learning sycophancy—a trait of the Silent Generation and the Baby Boomers! It may help me become a leader among Cockroaches, perhaps. One day!
I have been ordered by the Ministry to use plain, simple English words that ordinary people can read without first consulting a dictionary, a thesaurus, and possibly a lawyer.
So, cheer up!
Before I start preparing the footnotes, Lexi-notes or, as we now officially prefer to call them, Legsy Notes; let me explain the first and most important principle of Lexicomedy:
It is all about absurdity.
The more absurd the situation, the greater the comedy.
If something makes perfect sense, don't worry—we can probably make it absurd.
And if you enjoy absurd situations, confusing words, unnecessary explanations, and people pretending to understand Tharoorian English, then Lexicomedy is definitely for you.
My Short Bio
I have been known as Legsy for different reasons throughout my rather long life.
I was first christened “Legsy” while sitting on college benches in the US. The name acquired an entirely new justification at Jantar Mantar, where I mingled with legsy Cockroaches—creatures equipped with multiple legs.
What a beautifully legsy creature!
I too am. :)
Now Uncle has associated Lexi with Legsy.
So, thankfully, I retain my name in its true Lexicomedy spirit—with my legs intact, my Lexi attached, and a little Suroor thrown in for good measure.
I am a Gen Z Mass Communication postgraduate from a top US university, currently registered in Delhi as a PhD student, and a Scatologist—an expert in the more unprintable regions of language.
I became famous for supplying “quotes” and displaying placards at Jantar Mantar during the agitation.
I am a survivor of police uncles’ atrocities and a proud Cockroach—resilient, indestructible, and constitutionally difficult to eliminate.
My revolutionary career has now unfortunately been reduced to footnotes, nay legsy notes, due to absence of protests at jantar mantar.
I am employed exclusively to translate perfectly useless text into unnecessarily better English.
My employment contract strictly prohibits me from writing abusive language, displaying placards, or displaying legs.
Hoping to survive this atrocity too.
I am still trying to decipher why Pankaj Uncle brought me here in the first place, despite his acute Katsaridaphobia—the fear of Cockroaches.
Fortunately, his employment contract is silent on insults.
I intend to exploit this loophole. :)
Footnotes and Footprints by Pak Jan
The body notes are being prepared by Pankaj and Fussy.
The Legsy Notes are being prepared by Legsy Suroor.
And I continue to say proudly:
“Lexicomedy!? My foot!”
Legsy, it was your first day in the Office, so I can understand your failure to comply with Office Procedures.
The anagram you made for Legsy Notes is quite adorable.
Just like you.
But please remember: it is not your job to make Lexytoons and anagrams.
Your job is simply to translate Pankaj and Fussy’s letters into a language that can be understood by the Lexically Weaker Section.
And that is the Order from the Ministry.
It is my job to create Lexytoons, although I have magnanimously permitted Pankaj also to try his juvenile Lexytoons and not so funny anagrams.
This time, let me make an anagram for “Footnotes” itself.
Horror of horrors!
The anagram of:
FOOT NOTES
is:
STONE FOOT
Foot notes — something you find at the bottom of a page.
Stone foot — something you might find at the bottom of a grave.
A truly grave matter.
Footnotes explain the text.
Stone foot ends the story.
“Foot notes” are written in ink.
“Stone foot” is written in stone.
The footnotes were harmless…
until their letters got rearranged.
FOOT NOTES → STONE FOOT
Now that's a footnote to die for!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Click here for The Lexicomedy Line-Up: (The list of all Episodes published till date for your binge reading.)
(My Blogs on diverse subjects: Eclectic Blogs.)
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