(19) Q.E.F. — Quod Erat Fussy
Dear Pankaj,
I have read your concluding remarks with considerable amusement and a statistically significant degree of lexical satisfaction.
Your declaration that you have “withdrawn your earlier surrender” is, I must confess, an admirable specimen of linguistic stunts. You have managed to surrender, unsurrender, and then mathematically suspend the surrender; all without actually committing yourself to any of these positions.
This is precisely the sort of intellectual indecisiveness that gives dictionaries insomnia.
You say that mathematicians have pursued elegance in brevity for centuries.
How touching.
Unfortunately, brevity is merely mathematics’ way of hiding its inadequacies.
I, on the other hand, have demonstrated that verbosity is not the absence of mathematical discipline; it is mathematics with adjectives.
Consider your own proposition:
“Surrender itself requires a proof.”
Brilliant.
But you have overlooked the converse theorem:
If surrender requires proof, then the refusal to surrender requires a substantially longer proof.
And since I have already produced the longer proof, the burden of disproof now rests entirely upon you.
Q.E.D.
Or, as I prefer to put it:
Q.E.F. — Quod Erat Fussy.
You also describe the Tharoorgeoisie as a “self-sustaining intellectual ecosystem.”
I object.
An ecosystem suggests biodiversity.
The Tharoorgeoisie is considerably more sophisticated.
It is a self-sustaining lexical monarchy, in which nouns serve adjectives, adjectives genuflect before adverbs, and ordinary verbs are periodically exiled for insufficient intellectual pedigree.
The Oxford English Dictionary does not keep pace with us.
It merely follows at a respectful distance, panting.
As for your three references, I am particularly impressed by:
“Proceedings of the First International Symposium on Applied Tharoorian Studies. Attendance: One.”
Please correct this immediately.
Attendance was not one.
It was one and a half.
The half-person was you.
You were physically present only in the margins of the proceedings, intellectually present in the footnotes, and emotionally present somewhere between bewilderment and capitulation.
Finally, you say:
“My concession shall remain mathematically unproven.”
Fussy’s First Principle of Lexical Mechanics states otherwise:
Anything that requires a proof can be indefinitely postponed by adding another paragraph.
I therefore propose that your concession be neither accepted nor rejected.
It shall remain in lexical superposition until such time as you submit:
- a formal proof of your non-surrender,
- a counter-proof of my verbosity,
- a rebuttal exceeding 1,000 words,
- and, preferably, a notarised certificate from the Oxford English Dictionary confirming that you have acquired sufficient vocabulary to continue this correspondence.
Until then, I shall regard your surrender as provisionally established, linguistically authenticated, mathematically pending, and emotionally inevitable.
Please do not misunderstand this as victory.
Victory would be far too brief a word.
Let us call it an asymptotically irreversible predominance of lexical superiority.
With profound verbosity and absolutely no intention of simplifying matters,
Fussy Zaroor
BTech ( IIT-M), PGDM (IIM-A)
Secretary — Ministry of Grandiloquance.
Gen Z reprentative, not on TV
A great Fan and a Mentee of Shashi Tharoor Saar.
Aspiring to be an Editor and world Class Author.
Chairperson- The Royal Society for the Prevention of Linguistic Malnutrition (RSPLM).
P.S. I have received your withdrawal of surrender.
Please submit your withdrawal of the withdrawal in triplicate.
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Legsy Notes
THE AGITATION CONTINUES!
An Interim Declaration from the Cockroach Front
The Apology and Resignation from Fussy Zaroor are still awaited.
And therefore, regrettably, or gloriously, the Agitation Continues!
Our demands are neither numerous nor negotiable. We demand the resignation of:
Pak Jan.
Fussy Zaroor.
Gyanesh Kumar.
Amit Shah.
Narendra Modi.
Yes, we know what you are thinking.
“What about elections?”
Please! Spare us this electoral formalism.
We, the enlightened and electorally disenchanted Cockroaches, have little faith in elections. We allege that elections are rigged by Amit Shah and Narendra Modi. Whether this allegation survives constitutional scrutiny is, of course, a matter for another agitation.
We believe in SELECTION!
And where shall this magnificent exercise in democratic entomology take place?
At our pilgrimage centre — Jantar Mantar!
There, under the sacred shade of protest placards, amidst profane slogans, microphones, mufflers and the occasional flying slipper, Generation Z shall select its own leaders.
No ballot boxes.
No EVMs.
No exit polls.
Only cockroach-approved selection!
Let nobody commit the fatal mistake of underestimating us.
For behind every apparently insignificant cockroach lurks an indomitable revolutionary with six legs, two antennae and absolutely no respect for conventional political etiquette.
Don't underestimate the power of Cockroaches.
The agitation shall continue…
until justice is served — preferably on a cold tawa.
— The Cockroach Front
Jantar Mantar Chapter
Generation Z, Legally Unverified but Spiritually Unstoppable
Legsy Suroor
Foot Note Officer- Ministry of Grandiloquance.
Real Gen Z represntative: On TV, Jantar Mantar and Social Media.
President- United Federation of Perpetually Offended Cockroaches of India: The Naraz Fufas.
Leader of Cache Crooks, the Cockroaches.
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Foot Notes and Foot Prints of Pak Jan.
The anagram of COCKROACHISM is COMIC CORK ASH.
Comic — because every Cockroachist doctrine eventually becomes a joke.
Cork — because their arguments are buoyant, however nonsensical they may be.
Ash — because once subjected to Pak Jan or Fussy Zaroor's lexical scrutiny, nothing remains but semantic residue.
And a dictionary-style definition of Cockroachism can further be added:
Comic-Cork Ash (noun):
The intellectual residue produced when Cockroachism is roasted over the open flame of Lexicomedy.
This Cockroachism or 'Comic-Cork Ash' is not to be confused with ordinary ash, which at least has the decency to remain silent!
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Fussy Art Gallery
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