(16) They celebrate 'Savage Thanos'; not 'Ganeshotsava'.

Click to read Episode 15




Dear Ms Fussy Zaroor, 

Your latest epistle has left me with only two viable conclusions.

Either the Tharoorgeoisie truly exists...
...or you are its entire Governing Council.

Your fourth dictionary definition was particularly devastating. Any civilisation capable of producing an apology that earns gratitude has clearly transcended grammar and entered theology.

As a humble mathematician, I naturally attempted to quantify your verbal exuberance. After several hours of rigorous computation, I arrived at a startling theorem:

The probability of a Tharoorgeois uttering a monosyllabic word is precisely equal to the probability of a dictionary requesting simpler vocabulary.

I have also discovered the organisation's most closely guarded secret.

Contrary to popular belief, members do not carry identity cards.

They carry footnotes.

Incidentally, I tried your philosophy yesterday. I began a perfectly innocent sentence before breakfast. By lunchtime it had accumulated four subordinate clauses, two parenthetical observations, one Latin quotation, and an unexpected semicolon. My wife gently suggested that I either conclude the sentence or apply to IMC for planning permission.

Your assertion that you are merely the receptionist is, if I may say so, the linguistic equivalent of Einstein claiming to be “reasonably familiar” with arithmetic. It is just another example of your exemplary lexical humility—because when someone has clearly been appointed the Chief Operating Officer of the English Language, calling oneself a mere receptionist is almost unbearably modest.


As a final entreaty, I implore you to codify the Ten Commandments of the Tharoorgeoisie. Future initiates deserve authoritative guidance on such pressing matters as the minimum permissible syllable count, the compulsory deployment of semicolons, and the precise circumstances under which a Latin quotation becomes morally obligatory.

Yours, still consulting dictionaries but now enjoying the exercise 

Pankaj Khanna


Urban gardener, rustic cook. Music enthusiast. Curious blogger since 2009. Cyclist for over five decades. Word lover: Epeolater. Anagram addict. Punster with pen in hand, pun in mind, and a pan in the heart/hearth. Steam-engine devotee: a ferroequinophile. Avid avian watcher. Magic-square aficionado. Retired mathematics teacher and an apprentice Lexicomedian.

Honorary Fellow (Without Portfolio), Institute of Lexical Humility


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Legsy Notes

It is, quite frankly, beneath my considerable dignity to comment on Pankaj’s letter—which, yet again, does not even qualify for the honour of receiving Legsy Notes. Some letters deserve criticism; others deserve silence. Pankaj’s belongs to the latter, more exclusive category.

But, Fussy, surely you must have noticed the shameless audacity of Pak Jan wishing all the readers Happy Festive Season. The scandal! The indecency! The sheer outbreak of festive sentiment!

One naturally wonders: Has the Ministry completely lost control? How can such unregulated happiness through a religion be permitted in a supposedly civilized correspondence ecosystem?

Before contemplating the appropriate disciplinary action—including, naturally, the sacking of Pak Jan—let us remind her of an important Lexicomedy principle:

Festival = “Fit Slave.”

Coincidence? We think not. The dictionary has spoken.

Pak Jan is a 'fit slave' to her bosses. She is surely a secret agent of Modi.

And let me make our position absolutely clear: We cockroaches are proudly secular. We do not  celebrate such a  neverending series of festivals. 

Therefore, on behalf of the United Federation of Perpetually Offended Cockroaches, better known as Naraz Fufas; I hereby register our vehement protest against Pak Jan’s reckless desire to force festivals on us seculars.

Our demand is simple, principled and completely non-negotiable:

RESIGN, PAK JAN!

And preferably before the next festival.




Legsy Suroor

Foot Note Officer- Ministry of Grandiloquance.

Obviously Real Gen Z represntative: On TV, Jantar Mantar and Social Media.

President- United Federation of Perpetually Offended Cockroaches of India: The Naraz Fufas.

Leader of Cache Crooks, the Cockroaches.


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Foot Notes and Foot Prints of Pak Jan

A Clarification to All Colleagues

Seasonal greetings are meant exclusively for humans.
Cockroaches, I am now informed, have their own highly specialised festive protocols—and I sincerely regret trespassing into that sacred lexical territory.

Cockroaches do not celebrate festivals because, anagrammatically speaking, “Festivals” = “Fast Evils.”
And nobody should expect Fast Evils to observe Festivals when they can observe lexical violations instead.

  • They don't celebrate Onam because its anagram is Namo.
    Cockroaches, being constitutionally opposed to anything remotely resembling Namo, prefer to remain respectfully under the furniture.

  • They don't celebrate Rakhi because Rakhi → Akhir → Khira (Lathi).
    The very thought of a Khira reminds them of Police Uncles and their historic atrocities to cockroaches  through lathis. 

  • They worship 'Savage Thanos'—apparently a perfectly respectable deity in the Cockroach Pantheon—but draw the line at its anagram, Ganeshotsava.
    One must admire such theological consistency: Savage Thanos is acceptable; Ganeshotsava is an unacceptable lexical transformation.

I therefore offer my most sincere and unreserved apologies to the Cockroaches—the distinguished Cache Crooks—for inadvertently extending festival greetings to a community that neither requested them nor, apparently, has any use for them.

To the humans of this country, however, once again,  I extend my warmest wishes for a prosperous, peaceful and joy-filled Season of Festivals starting with Ganeshotsava.

And finally, to our esteemed Fast Evils, Cache Crooks, and devotees of Savage Thanos, I make just one small humanitarian request:

I am an old lady. I have already committed the grave lexical offence of wishing you Happy Festivals.

Please accept this humble apology magnanimously, and do celebrate your victory as shamelessly as you did recently.



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Fussy Art Gallery

(Picasso Style)


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Click here for the next Episode 17.

Click here for The Lexicomedy Line-Up: (The list of all Episodes published till date for your binge reading.)

(My  Blogs on diverse subjects: Eclectic Blogs.)

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